Paying attention . . . Yes, by simply schooling yourself on how our local governance is organized, who are the players, what are the screw-ups, where is the money and what things get reported you can legitimately call yourself a citizen, an advocate for democracy.
For most people local politics only becomes a reality when you are afraid for your home, your property or your neighborhood. Fears can be physical, financial and cultural. Fears can be great motivators, as so many activists' stories of initial involvement attest.
Citizen Tip = Magical Intent or Harmful Communication
It is good to remember that fear also silences voices and kills civic participation. This is why the ever increasing use of police power to stifle dissent is so contemptible in a so-called democracy. A less recognized instrument is language used to cause harm. Hate speech and bullying are obvious examples, another is one a social justice writer labels "Magical Intent."
Magical Intent is the principle by which someone who has said or done something offensive, hurtful, rage-making, marginalizing, and/or otherwise contemptible argues that the person to whom they've said or done it has no right to be offended, hurt, enraged, alienated, and/or otherwise disdainful because their intent was not to generate that reaction.
In other words: "I didn't intend for you to feel that way, so if you do feel that way, don't blame me! My intent magically inoculates me from responsibility for what I actually said and how it was received!"
This is one of the most harmful—and common—manifestations of accountability deflecting language, rooted in the false contention that intent is more important than effect. It is a most curious habit, given that most of us would readily acknowledge that "I didn't mean it" isn't an excuse for not having to apologize when we bump into someone or accidentally step on someone's foot. Yet we have nonetheless created an entirely different standard for things we say that inadvertently hurt other people.
Intent does not, in fact, magically render us unaccountable from the effects of our communication, no more than not intending to step on someone's toes magically renders us unaccountable from the effects of our movement. Pain caused unintentionally is still authentic pain.
The limited numbers of activists in Encinitas have a real problem with a few valued people with this particular kind of communication failure and it really hurts us all. Here is a hint, this post isn't aimed at Councilwoman Barth or Candidates Lisa Shaffer or Tony Kranz. Why? It isn't that each hasn't been guilty of speaking in a way that has inadvertently hurt another. This editor has personally (privately) called out each for words that hurt the people supporting them. And, they each held themselves accountable with a commitment to avoid repeating the same error. Not one claimed "magic intent" as the excuse to avoid that accountability. Of course, this doesn't mean this is a pass, merely a reassuring vote of confidence.
This "magical intent" idea is pretty difficult to grasp because our culture has excused this in countless, familiar ways.
McEwan adds, "That's a difficult notion to accept for most of us, because most of us have engaged in this type of harmful communication at some point in our lives, even if it's not a regular habit. Even being presented with the idea that common defensiveness can be abusive is likely to elicit, in some readers, a magical intent response: I don't intend to abuse or manipulate people, so there's no way I'm doing it!
But that's why this conversation is so important—because a lack of intent to harm doesn't guarantee that one will never harm."In this 2012 campaign this citizen tip is important on a number of levels. Besides the simple humanity of caring if we cause harm there is the practical aspect of running a campaign that boldly states an alternative of openness, civility and respect that welcomes the many voices in our community needs to champion healthy communication. Lisa Shafer and Tony Kranz have spoken out in the city council and in speeches, meet-ups, their websites, in commentaries about this very aspect of a need for change in Encinitas. Councilwoman Barth has sat through years of harmful communication without sinking to those levels with her council members, as dozens of video clips demonstrate. And we want dozens more to join this campaign against big money opposition. We can ill afford to alienate anyone or instill fear in those trying to speak up, speak out and do what they can to move us to that goal.
We who claim to be friends and neighbors all working towards the same goal of replacing the supermajority leader Stocks and his appointed ally Muir have a big responsibility. Sometimes our own private agendas, perfectionism, expectations and issues of control need to be held in check.
One commenter in the post cited wrote something like the paraphrased (for our citizen purposes).
"If someone I trusted has deliberately hurt me, this adds the layer of it being a betrayal - and the more trusted/intimate, the bigger that betrayal. It's not that the lack of intent lessens the hurt, for me; it's that knowledge of intent makes it much, much worse, as it means my trust has been broken."Using the press, blogs and public gatherings to demand someone in your circle of activists respond as you would have them is hurtful and politically stupid. We can ill afford to alienate the very few who are awake and energized to what goes on at Encinitas City Hall.
Bonus Tip: Evil vs. Complex
McEwan acknowledges with this follow-up a realization that may be an aid:
"And, you know, the funny thing is that, in my experience, it's exceedingly easier to apologize in a meaningful way when you view yourself as a complicated person, with virtues and flaws, good instincts and bad habits, the capacity for kindness and a reservoir of internalized ugliness.
When I acknowledge fucking up and apologize, I don't feel like I'm "giving away" something about myself, as if it's some mystery that I'm not perfect. It used to feel that way before I fully embraced the idea of knowing and caring about myself in all my sometimes regrettable aspects.
This dynamic -- evil vs. complex -- can be really harmful in interpersonal relationships, too. I have found that accountability denying language is frequently invoked by members of my family who interpret "you hurt me" as "you're a bad person" and/or "you don't love me," which extends from their own inability to exist comfortably as a person with visible and acknowledged flaws.
That also tends to lead to a cycle of abuse, because if one resists seeing oneself as someone with flawed communication about which one needs to be vigilant, one makes the same mistakes over and over, then deflects with harmful language over and over.
And after someone communicates enough times that you're responsible for the hurt they cause you, the only choice with which you're left to break that cycle is to disengage."
